Shrewd...or Prude?

The weather is glorious, there are hosepipe bans, Mr Whippy is making a killing with his 99 Flake cones, the sound of flip flops and subsequent tripping over fills the air, sales of band-aids to ease ailing blistered feet are at fever pitch. It's a British Summer and my summer loving latin car is STILL in the workshop.

But as I drive along, enviously coveting Porsche Boxsters, Saab 93's, Mazda MX5's, and Morris Minor convertibles; I find myself getting increasingly irate. What is happening to open top driving in this country?

It would appear that the majority of these cars have obviously come out of the factory with malfunctioning hoods, possibly electrickery gremlins, stiff manual hood catches perhaps? A sudden demise in upper body strength? Maybe not, but this is what I'm being led to believe. 90% of all convertibles I saw today and each and every day HAVE GOT THEIR HOODS UP!

Come on you prudish Brits - get your tops off! Show a bit of flesh, be proud of your bald patches, blonde tresses or greying hair and flaunt that middle aged spread, play your stereo as loud as you like and sing along to ELO. Don't hide it beneath your canvas and mohair automotive parasols.

Hold on a second, what sort of brainwashed car nut am I? Not all convertibles are driven by middle aged blokes or blonde totty. They're being increasingly driven by, well people like me actually. Fairly normal folk who enjoy the wind in their hair, the sound of their engine, and you never really appreciate it until you've experienced it; the smell of the surrounding countryside. I know what you're thinking, the smell of catalytic converters on the M4, well no, you'd be surprised but there's one spot as I'm heading out of London where I get the most amazing floral aroma, it could be the expellations of a perfume factory for all I know, but it's wonderful. And I don't give two hoots about the upper echelons of motoring journalism wittering on about scuttle shake, floppy handling and losing some of the car's stability - it's had it's roof cut off for Pete's sake! Or in my case, it just is like that, it's a convertible, I like driving it and I've made my bed, I intend to lie in it (when it gets out of the garage).

So returning to my shielded black-top riding companions, why on earth do they buy cars with convertible roofs? Even the latest trend for folding 'tin-tops', they're just as bad, preferring to switch on the a/c than reach for the SPF.

Is it self consciousness? Hardly, I know that sometimes as I drive along I look as if I'm lodging some blackbirds in my barnet from the wind whipping and my face like a smacked bottom, but hey that's my choice, I bought the car, I pay the hair styling consequences and the face thing? Why it's a healthy outdoors English Rose glow. Who needs MAC or Clinique when you have wind-rouge?

Maybe it's snobbery? The fact that they have the choice, is that it? Half of them have wind breaks to prevent un-flattering un-willing automotive barnet restyling anyway. Frankly I'm not impressed with weekend only hair flappers.

Therefore I propose my first Motor Muppet campaign. The Great British Get your Top Off Campaign.

When you see a convertible in decent weather with it's roof up, I emplore that you politely enquire as to the wellbeing of the roof functionality, and if it's fine, then sternly advise they get their top off, assisting if they obviously are unsure of how it works, I'm sure some may even be shocked to discover that the material actually retracts (this is another theory I have - they think the roof is static and meant to look like that).

The future of British open-top motoring is in your hands my reader, good luck chaps.

Let it all hang out, some things look so much better topless