There's no Sugar on my Doughnuts!!

In case you were thinking I was about to launch into a complaint about Homer Simpson’s favourite sustenance, I’m not talking Krispy Kreme, good heavens no, for today I made the 30 mile schlep round the M25 to sunny Surrey, home of Dunsfold Aerodrome and the venue for Motor Muppet’s first play in a Caterham.

Bought as a Christmas present for yours truly I was anticipating April 1st 2005 since, well December 25th 2004!

I had a taster of the little bug-eyed cars at the Motor Show last year where I parted with my hard earned cash for a quickie with a roguish young chap round the Comma Caterham doughnut course. As with most things, it was over all too soon, but it did leaving me wanting more.

So back to today’s antics. On arrival as Dunsfold I was pointed up to the top end of the runway where the course had already been laid out. After a safety briefing and some technical pointers there followed a couple of demonstration laps in the unadulterated 1.6 Caterham 7’s by Suds (the safety chap) and Sam (a fellow girlie). And then it was my turn.

Muppet gets expert advice from Suds

I’ve never actually really been a ‘drive like I’ve left the gas on’ sort of a girl, I like a bit of speed but generally I’m pretty laid back so being told by Suds to “give it some welly”…”don’t worry you won’t break it”….”show some aggression”….and…”don’t worry it’s not yours” was a little out of character. But who am I to argue with such a knowledgeable and influential Caterham employee hmmm?

Sampling the excellent hospitality (oddly there were no doughnuts but lots of tea!)

I did show a promising start, and got some really nice powerslides round the cones, lots of comedy armfuls of steering and heaps of acceleration; but could I get a doughnut? The trick with a Caterham is to turn the wheel to full lock; give it a lot of power, about 3,700rpm and then whip your left foot off the clutch, drop the revs to 3,000, and switch between this and the 3,700 rpm until you get round the cone. Sounds simple doesn’t it? I was even witness to some spectacularly good car patisserie from my fellow course mates, but I couldn’t get the damn thing to do it. I was so close every time and had so much fun spinning around, I came over a bit Kylie.

Muppet coaxing the Caterham to dance - oddly it didn't respond to swearing

back to the garage...with a smile

After a fantastic time spent on the ever changing course and being timed against my course mates, despite my best efforts I couldn’t get a rise from the Caterham I just couldn’t get it to go all the way. Then came the results, against 14 other competitors I came a resoundingly triumphant last place. How fantastically English of me. What can I say at least I was consistently last place all afternoon. I was rather pleased by this as I gave it my all. I ended the session with a trip as a passenger with Suds who showed me how it should be done.

Undeterred by abysmal time keeping however I did come away with a spot of the Cheshire cramps, that is smiling so much my face hurt! I have pledged to book up another session in the not too distant future on the assurance from Suds that he’ll get me pirouetting the Caterham like a prima ballerina….and I can’t wait!

And now I’m unwinding Caterham induced aches reflecting on the day with The Living Daylights in the background on the gogglebox, even though Timothy Dalton is not my idea of James Bond (Sean Connery all the way). I do get to covet ever so slightly my favourite Aston Martins featured in the flick. The beautiful DBS V8 Volante, and the car I yearn for the V8 Vantage with more tricks than Harry Potter’s school assembly, anguishing over the scene just after Bond skis away into Austria with his obligatory Eastern Bloc Blonde when the Vantage gets the Self Destruct treatment.

But I’m still in love with the raffish googly eyed Caterham.
http://www.caterham.co.uk/