Defender and Conquer

Just when a girl feels comfortable with herself along comes the latest fad and her best intentions fly effortlessly through the window whether it is open or not.

I’m a befuddled woman, it all started when I picked up a women’s glossy in the newsagents at work. I needed literary input and the shelves were somewhat lacking in motoring press that day. Whilst leafing through the bible that is the savvy gals guide to all that is fundamental in life (aka Cosmopolitan), I noted hidden away, a motoring page. Ignoring how to ‘love my figure’ , I quickly flicked through to the page to satisfy my car-crazed thirst, it was then my gaze fell upon a short article detailing a list of which cars are most effective to pull the chaps.

It all went horribly wrong from there on in.

Let me elaborate; as a woman of a certain age, I’ve gotten used to the conformist idealism of society; you know the sort of thing. "You’re too thin"... "put some weight on"..."you’re too fat lose some weight"... "you’ll never get a bloke if you keep wearing glasses"..." put some more make up on"... "bleach your hair"..." change your clothes" blah blah blah. But now it would appear that it’s not only our physical appearances we have to think about. Now we have to think about the cars we drive and how we look in them.

I have five cars and was mightily pleased to see my pride and joy Spider at number 3 on the list, complete with totally spot on description, and a past love of mine at number 2, the Renault Clio of which I’ve had two, the old Francophile boxy shape and also the ‘lets make it more like a girly’ curvy model; but with the cries of ‘Nicole!’…‘Papa!’ from my workmates it all got too much so they had to go.

My friend Alex was suitably jubilant to hear that the car she shares her life with - a well used 1960’s Series 2 Land Rover Defender (complete with detachable snow plough and double declutchable 2nd gear) was number 1 and “a man’s perfect girl car”.

However, Muppet’s cheery smile was clouded by the view from the man in the know that it was in fact “the woman that makes the car sexy….not the other way round”. But surely it’s a combination of the two? Is it not the car that grabs the attention first? Not to mention the fact I’m hankering after a motorcycle, where’s the line about that? There was no mention of husband snatching bikes for the girl about town

Faced with this evidence; do I have to dress in a Ghost ‘ready to wear’ to enhance the delicate curves of my VW Beetles? Must I never be seen without my aviator sunglasses and silk headscarf in my Spider for fear of her looking ‘a bit plain’? Or am I getting more confused? Maybe it’s more a case of choosing the right vehicle from my wardrobe dependant upon the chap I wish to ensnare?

Commitmentphobes would never even boil the water for my cup of tea, let alone get anything else boiling if they thought my regular transport was my family friendly Saab 900. Beach blonde student totty would be waxing their surfboards to take a trip in my Cal-look Beetle. And old chaps with a penchant for getting their hands dirty would adore me in my cosy cardis and basket-case 70’s MGB GT.

And what about the argument for the reverse? What cars do ladies like their boys to drive hmmm? I don’t intend on opening up that particular can of worms here, but I think we’re all aware of the assumptions that one can draw from the type of car driven by a certain type of man.

As the great feminist philosopher Christina Agulieria once said so eloquently; “You are beautiful. No matter what you drive”.

Love me… love my car(s) whatever our appearance.

Um…don’t want to sell your Defender do you Alex?